Hospitality Humorists Pillows

"We're americans, so the room's great, the cockroaches just up and went!"

Bed and Breakfast

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Cardiac Recovery.

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."