Hospitality Comedian Pillows

Coronary Inn Hospital

"Welcome sir. Please treat the place as your own home."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.