Hospitality Industry Humorists Gifts

Hotel heartless - No Teddies Allowed

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Bed and Breakfast

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Your ten percent tip.'

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

Shareholder's Meetings

'What a bargain!'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

"Members of the board, my indecision is final."

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

'I see the Maids have been in!'

'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

Graffiti on baseboard.

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

'As you both know, here at Frump, Cuttle and Howsen, failure is not an option, so that only leaves blame.'

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'Hello, Room Service?'

Stan's OK Deliveries

Bed or breakfast.

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."