Hotelier Humorist Gifts

'I know you said this was a four star hotel, but I didn't expect to see them through a hole in my ceiling!'

"Do you have a room for a couple of knights?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Downloading Pregnancy

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"Gross."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'