Humor Household Gifts

Ice Fishing

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I'm really thirsty.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

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Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

Snowman in the Freezer.

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'