Humor Household Gifts

Ice Fishing

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'I'm really thirsty.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

CartoonStock Upload

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Snowman in the Freezer.

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'