Humorous Household Gifts

"This article says girls will come and go...but family give us unconditional love and will always be there."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I'm really thirsty.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

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"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

This Semester's Report Card

How men shop for towels.

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'