Hilarious Household Member Gifts

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

Mistress Talking to Maid

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

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"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

Snowman in the Freezer.

Ice Fishing

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

Most egregious misuse of Commons speaking time.

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'