Hilarious Household Member Pillows

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

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Mistress Talking to Maid

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

Ice Fishing

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

Snowman in the Freezer.

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

Most egregious misuse of Commons speaking time.