Hilarious Homemaker Pillows

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Moving in

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

Modern Parents

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

'Someday I hope he grows up into a sports bottle...just like his father.'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

Jesus swept.

'There's something you should know about washable wallpaper,pet!'

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

Nature Girl and the Four Elements.

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"I figured one of us should use it!"

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

Wallpapering.

"This article says girls will come and go...but family give us unconditional love and will always be there."

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

Rabbits on Pinterest

"Another unpaid nightshift! Please tell me you at least secured the video rights?"

Things my vacuum cleaner likes to suck up

Real House Flies of Orange County

Breakfast in Bed for Housewife