Hilarious Homemaker Gifts

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

Moving in

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

Modern Parents

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

Jesus swept.

'Someday I hope he grows up into a sports bottle...just like his father.'

'There's something you should know about washable wallpaper,pet!'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

Nature Girl and the Four Elements.

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"I figured one of us should use it!"

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

Wallpapering.

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

"This article says girls will come and go...but family give us unconditional love and will always be there."

Rabbits on Pinterest

"Another unpaid nightshift! Please tell me you at least secured the video rights?"

With Gwen away for the weekend, Dave makes the kids his famous Gummy Worms and Hershey Bars casserole.

Breakfast in Bed for Housewife