Homemaker Humorist Gifts

Nature Girl and the Four Elements.

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

Yard Sale

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'