Home Cooking Humorist Gifts

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

'Thanks King. You're a prince.'

"Sure it tastes like homemade... your wife works here."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

Chef copy robot

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

'It's all homemade.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."