Humorous Home Cook Gifts

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

Amy Sedaris

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Needs more kale.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Great Moments in Culinary History.

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Noodle exchange program.

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'To cook is to dare!'

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

Whoa! Willard, you know you can't put metal in a microwave! Why not just heat it the old fashioned way and use your nostrils?

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Ties and Jackets Required.

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'