Home Cook With Humor Gifts

It's hard to when I'm always under pressure."

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Too much salt!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

Noodle exchange program.

Flatware Follies.

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'To cook is to dare!'

Beard helper

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'