Home Cook With Humor Gifts

It's hard to when I'm always under pressure."

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Too much salt!'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

Noodle exchange program.

Flatware Follies.

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

Beard helper

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

'To cook is to dare!'

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'