Humorous Home Life Gifts

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'You know I'd take the blame kid, but I'm still on shakey ground over that carpet incident.'

"Sorry, my report is blank. I just stayed home, watched tv and played video games during vacation."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Cats on the couch.

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Now that's Real TV!'

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."