Domestic Life Humorist Gifts

"But I use all of them!"

"Jordan takes his wife's wind chimes – he shoots!"

Yes, you were. You were talking in your sleep again last night.

"This man has some sort of complaint about the pie his wife ordered, sir."

"No, we're not laying new turf, we're sending the old stuff away to be cut!"

"No, your father's outside fortifying our borders."

'However, on the rare occasion that I find him awake, he can be quite amusing.'

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

'Oh, no!! My husband!!!'

"Goodnight my little treasure"

"Dinner's ready!" "I can't hear you!"

'Good day on Wall Street?'

'Sometimes, you can be really annoying.'

Woman has man in shopping trolley

"For the last time. . . Stop complaining and get in the bath!!!"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"