Family Life Humorist Gifts

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

'I borrowed some shingles for my tree house.'

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

'Can I have a glass of water?'

"You're the most impatient person I've ever known!"

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"Teddy had a bad dream and asked me to bring him in here with you."

'I can't believe it. The same woman who sends me to my room for staining my clothes just donated money for stained glass.'

"I'm busy right now. Ask your mummy."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Motherhood in its simplest form.

"My dad's more disinterested in my upbringing than your dad..!!"

"There's an extra charge. All the chips, pretzels, cookies and crumbs classify you as a food truck."

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"I should like a commission on that child tax credit."

'...which proves my thesis that what they think is adorable in musicals gets you grounded in real life.'

'Oh, calm down. You've been whining about that speck of dirt in your eye...'

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

'Neat, Dad -- Is it a boy or a girl?'

'What have I told you son about dropping in at meal times.'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

'You wienies!! It's just a dirty diaper!!'

'What's on your neck?'

'If you think you're going to sit around here while I wait on you hand and big foot, think again young man.'

"Oh-uh! Dad means business. He's putting his foot down on this one."

"Please stop using the phrase, 'I wasn't born yesterday'."

"You can stop nagging me, Mom. My room will be clean in no time!"

'Oooh lame.'

Eat your vegetables

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.