Family Life Humor Fan Gifts

Hen Teenager

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Dad Trophies

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Girl in cow onesie.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'He didn't learn that from me!'

'His dad was!'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."