Family Humor Fan Gifts

Job interview.

'What else can go wrong?', 'MOTHER!'

'...Just like Daddy!'

"We're requesting a change of venue to his grandma's house where he can do no wrong."

'You're in luck, Dad - Dave likes you.'

"For your convenience, we ate all the candy you probably wouldn't like."

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

Bride, Groom, and Mother in Law.

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

'My mom must have swallowed a sponge or something. I heard her say she's retaining water.'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'Please Mike! Not in front of the children.'

"I want to buy you a card that reflects the sacrifices you've made on my behalf, Mom. Where's your purse?"

"It's for you Mom. . . remember when you said that the last thing you needed around here was a dog?"

"Oh no! Looks like my wife's sisters are here!"

"Christmas should be a time to show how much we care for one another."

'Get your toys out of the living room!'

"When I grow up, I'm going to have a mustache just like you, Grandma."

My ma lives in PA and my pa lives in MA.

"Admit it - You only had me for the free tech support."

"The next time you 'Go for three' try and hit the clothes hamper."

'That was mother - She rang to tell me not to miss a moment of this programme.'

'Look, either I don't know I'm born, or things aren't like the good old days. You can't have both.'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

Thank you for visiting us again Son... Can I still call you Son? You are so handsome now...

'Mom puts lipstick on so Dad knows where to kiss.'

'I decided to give up my demand for a TV in my bedroom. How about an ATM instead?'

'Not everyone has a grandmother who'd help them throw a party, Andy!'

'Dad, what are you doing in sex education class?'

'Giving my mother a ticket to Florida is not 'just being nice' to her.'

'Gee, Dad, I didn't know you knew how to cook!'

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'