Family Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Daddy doesn't know why birds migrate. Ask me about ways to avoid probate.'

'Son, I want to talk to you about the birds, the bees, and the attorney client privilege.'

'Always use your head, follow you heart and go with your gut feeling.'

'My son is a corporate communications director. He never calls and he never writes.'

'Well this is awkward.'

'Happy Mother's Day! Here's your gift - I'll be back later for dinner!'

'I appreciate your memo calling for more tolerant and forgiving parents. Now, what did you do this time?'

'He had a heart attack when his son volunteered to shovel his walk.'

'Either my waterbed is leaking... or I am.'

'I did think a few more of mine would've moved on by now...'

"It's 'Honor thy Father and Mother', not brother!"

'I knew it was too good to last.'

"Am I the spitting image of dad, or what?"

"Son, your mother and I want another child."

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

"Mom, was I thoroughly vetted before I was born?"

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'My son's a telemarketer and STILL he doesn't call.'

"Let's not forget who wears the plumage in this family."

'They're like two peas in a pod - both bottle fed!'

'It's only for a day or two. Mother's Day present.'

'I had to get a temporary second job -- all our kids needed braces.'

'Yeah, I guess this is a dumb invention. By the way, your mother is on her way over.'

Would my mother be a pushy, nosy mother-in-law? I dunno...ask her.

'I refuse to commit all afternoon at your mother's without a viable exit strategy.'

'One learned a new word and the other one taught it to him.'

Father's Day: Celebrate the union between a man and a woman!

"Looks like he's found a loop hole."

'It's easy to slag off other people's work, much harder to do better yourself...so Daddy's made a career out of slagging off other people's work.'

'That one I got in my daughter's bedroom!'

'Hello, mother? Have you got that voodoo book out of the library again?'

'When you said I mustn't speak to strange people, does that include you and Dad?'

"Put it on my tab."

"My boyfriend is the son my parents always wanted."

'I just had the 'facts of life' talk with our son, I can't believe what I learned.'