Housing Humor Gifts

"The Mortgage Company is Repossessing the House!"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"The carpet really brings the room together."

'It's a dump, but it's a steal at this price.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Affordable housing

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Ice Fishing

Valentines for Real Estate

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"This article says girls will come and go...but family give us unconditional love and will always be there."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

Snail Estate Agents

Shoe for Rent

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'