Housing Satirist Gifts

House for free - 'Too much'!

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I've downsized."

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

Affordable housing

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Valentines for Real Estate

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'It's got all the original features.'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

Snail Estate Agents

Shoe for Rent

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'