Real Estate Satirist Gifts

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

?Keep in mind, it?s only a starter home.?

'And the 4th bedroom?'

'It's not fair Mum, I can't even afford to live in a flip-flop.'

Estate Agent trying to rip off client by charging three times the rent.

'It's an addition. I qualified for a home improvemnt loan.'

Bank Owned

Generation X Rites of Pasage: Home Ownership

'She ate the apple? That does it! -- the whole place is going condo!'

'We did have a house in your bracket, but we sold it in 1932.'

"Well one step down from our 'Luxury Executive Mansion' is our 'crap terrace with outside loo'."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

Ant Farm in foreclosure

'And this, of course, is the kitchen sinkhole.'

"Oh, they're simply looking for newly available apartment openings."

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"Efficiency tombs available"

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."