Real Estate Satirist Gifts

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

?Keep in mind, it?s only a starter home.?

'And the 4th bedroom?'

'It's not fair Mum, I can't even afford to live in a flip-flop.'

Estate Agent trying to rip off client by charging three times the rent.

'It's an addition. I qualified for a home improvemnt loan.'

Bank Owned

'She ate the apple? That does it! -- the whole place is going condo!'

'We did have a house in your bracket, but we sold it in 1932.'

"Well one step down from our 'Luxury Executive Mansion' is our 'crap terrace with outside loo'."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

Ant Farm in foreclosure

"Oh, they're simply looking for newly available apartment openings."

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'