Real Estate Humorist Gifts

A house haunts a man.

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 5 sunny spots.'

....Third Little Pig was outbid.

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'Well, it was possessed, but you missed a payment. It's been repossessed.'

'Not only is it a mortgage we can afford, but it will be easy to sell with that indoor pool!'

We are looking for a bigger place to accommodate our extended family

'Go back to sleep, that was just the house value expanding.'

'Quick, Lassie! Our modest neighborhood is being gentrified! Get help!'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

"It's a starter home..."

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

'Estate Agent.'

Very Direct Mail

House for Sale. Meth sanitized for a quick sale!

'For rent'

'So, in closing, let's all say with as much sincerity as we can, 'Oh, what a darling kitchen!''

'I'm with you, buddy. Any more houses around here and we'll start to have a traffic problem.'

'After the yard sale and then the garage sale, it was the next logical step.'

"Now this apartment will be vacant October 1st - "

'Damp? The bath's got a ring round its OUTSIDE!'

'And this is the downstairs half-bath.'

"No, it is right. The whole property market's going down the pan."

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

"...And here's the en suite."

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

Advert for an estate agency for sale in the window the estate agents.

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"Sigh. Location, location, location."

"Of course, we'll have to sell Roger's place in the city."