Real Estate Humor Lover Gifts

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'Is the fire included?'

Sold. You think our new cave will be inexpensive to maintain? Yeah, there's low overhead.

House prices remain out of reach for most first-time buyers...

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

'That house is a fixer upper. Are you handy with a checkbook?'

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

It's not as nice as our first place.

True, it's a fixer-upper.

"This apartment ain't big enough for the both of us."

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

'It's okay, there's a six-figure carpeting allowance.'

'Industrial Real Estate' fine tuning 'Distribution'

"Yes - it's a GREAT place to raise kids, but this is way out of our price range..."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."