Real Estate Humor Fan Gifts

Affordable Housing Estate Agents - 'It's affordable if you're rich...'

"As you can see, it's prime real-estate: Within walking distance of the sewerage-outlet..."

For Rent - Formerly not for rent.

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

Trump Dump

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Hospital ward is the proposed site of an internal supermarket.

"When you write the listing, don't forget to mention the house is currently vacant."

"Did I mention it was close to transport?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'