Real Estate Humor Gifts

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

Let's try to flip this house before we fly back up North.

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

"Efficiency tombs available"

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.