Real Estate Humor Pillows

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

Let's try to flip this house before we fly back up North.

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"I've downsized."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'Is the fire included?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."