Real Estate Humorist Pillows

A house haunts a man.

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 5 sunny spots.'

....Third Little Pig was outbid.

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Well, it was possessed, but you missed a payment. It's been repossessed.'

We are looking for a bigger place to accommodate our extended family

'Not only is it a mortgage we can afford, but it will be easy to sell with that indoor pool!'

"It's a starter home..."

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Quick, Lassie! Our modest neighborhood is being gentrified! Get help!'

'Go back to sleep, that was just the house value expanding.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

"Now this apartment will be vacant October 1st - "

Very Direct Mail

'I'm with you, buddy. Any more houses around here and we'll start to have a traffic problem.'

'So, in closing, let's all say with as much sincerity as we can, 'Oh, what a darling kitchen!''

'Damp? The bath's got a ring round its OUTSIDE!'

'And this is the downstairs half-bath.'

'Estate Agent.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'For rent'

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

"No, it is right. The whole property market's going down the pan."

'After the yard sale and then the garage sale, it was the next logical step.'

"...And here's the en suite."

House for Sale. Meth sanitized for a quick sale!

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"I could show you folks how to tap into your hovel's equity."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"The crazy thing is it sold for over a million."

"Efficiency tombs available"

A sign outside a house reads "For sale! Everything must go! Walls! Ceilings! Floors! And much, much more!".