Real Estate Satire Gifts

'Sure you've lowered the asking price - But it's still the same amount!'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Real estate.

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

"We're thinking of downsizing."