Real Estate Satirists Gifts

Indian burial ground.

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

Real estate.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

Toughing it out in the real estate game.