Housing Crisis Humorist Gifts

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"I've downsized."

Repossessions

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'