Mortgage Crisis Humorist Gifts

Repossessions

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"I've downsized."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

Borrowed 200K for mime school

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

Shoe for Rent

Snail Estate Agents

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

Don't worry, when it's time to start jumping out of windows I'll tell you.

Be nice to Erdogan

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'