Mortgage Crisis Humorists Gifts

Dunloanin...bank manager.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Repossessions

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"I've downsized."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

Borrowed 200K for mime school

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Okay, I can offer you a loan with a 75% interest rate and serfdom for your first born. It's a great deal and I'm only offering it because you're my son."

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

Be nice to Erdogan