Mortgage Crisis Humorist Pillows

Repossessions

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"I've downsized."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

Borrowed 200K for mime school

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

Shoe for Rent

Snail Estate Agents

Don't worry, when it's time to start jumping out of windows I'll tell you.

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

Be nice to Erdogan

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'