Housing Market Satirist Gifts

"Dream on, Meredith - this one is way out our price range..."

'I'm sorry but I need your bed. I've just been kicked out my flat.'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"I've downsized."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'