Home Buying Satirist Gifts

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I've downsized."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

'It's got all the original features.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

Snail Estate Agents

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'Fancy living here with the in-laws until we find a place of our own?'

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

Shoe for Rent