Housing Market Humorist Gifts

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

?Keep in mind, it?s only a starter home.?

'It's not fair Mum, I can't even afford to live in a flip-flop.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Any risk of flooding.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

'How do you like it as a whole?' - 'As a hole it's fine. As a house it's lousy.'

'We did have something in your price range, but the Big, Bad Wolf blew it down.'

"Look honey, a place we can afford."

"Look. Living on the Green Belt makes our home worth a lot more!"

"I've downsized."

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."

Real Estate News You Can Use: Buy Your Igloo in Summer!"

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"I knew that some children have to return home after university, but I didn't think it would be the lecturers."

"But, you insisted on a home free of wildfires, mudslides and high maintenance costs."

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'For some reason, I imagine it larger.'

Snail Estate Agents

Shoe for Rent

'Foundations, what's wrong with the foundations?.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'I hadn't realized the Grimm brothers were into tract houses.'

'I made it from abandoned property ladders.'

'Another self build...'

'If you think houses around here are cheap you really, really are living in cloud cuckoo land!'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'