Housing Market Humorists Gifts

'Good points...It's cheap, it's well located. The bad points...Granted it's small and you'll have to fight the dog for it.'

'...I'm looking for real estate in my local market.'

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Is the fire included?'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I've downsized."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.