Housing Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Does this mean I don't get my security deposit back?'

"Either the house was built on a flood plain..."

Affordable housing

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"I've downsized."

'Is the fire included?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"I've just been gazumped!"

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Valentines for Real Estate

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

'It's okay, there's a six-figure carpeting allowance.'