Homebuilding Humorist Gifts

"Building a home where the buffalo roam wasn't one of your better ideas!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Pest Control

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'Is the fire included?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

I like going across the frame of this solar energy facility we're building. I'm waling on a sunbeam!

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Private work adjustments

Is the heating contractor mad about something? He just needs space to vent?

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?