Home Improvement Humorists Gifts

I'm sick of living on the top floor.

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Thor, honey, have you nailed that picture up yet?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Dog Bookends

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

Wallpapering 4

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'...and you can wash that pea-green crap off - I want Magnolia.'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

'That must be the termite inspector.'