Home Improvement Jokester Gifts

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"I'm beginning to think getting central heating was a mistake."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Onion operation.

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Have you been fiddling with the cuckoo clock again, Tony?"

'No it's still not fixed'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

Wallpapering 4

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"The trick to this particular dish is not letting your mother mess it up."

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"