Stay-at-home Comedians Gifts

Working from home

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Happy Brithday

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"Right kids, there's no camp and no vacation, but Mommy and I are super excited to make this summer our best ever!"

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

". . . And after the latest coronavirus update, we have the following cancellations - life as we know it!"

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

'All this job requires is some mud-wallowing and snarling... I'd say you're overqualified.'

Snowman in the Freezer.

Writer's Block