Young Comedians Gifts

A smart alec boy

"Is that Childline? My parents are trying to take my mobile phone away from me."

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'