Young Comedians Gifts

A smart alec boy

"Is that Childline? My parents are trying to take my mobile phone away from me."

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

Memory Foam Mattress.