Cultural Comedian Gifts

'You're having Hispanic attacks.'

Political Hipsters

"Have everything? Your glasses? Your keys? Your Jewish guilt?"

"...Toro..."

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

The leatherhosen thief strikes again!

Tallit barcode

"I can't take any more! I'm so hungry and thirsty! When will this fast end?!!"

Football Chameleon

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"The Eggsorcist"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

The Scottish Lawn

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"When did this game get started?"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Monet At Open Mic Night

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'