Cross-cultural Comedian Gifts

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'I can't pronounce either his name or the out-sourced country where he works.'

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

Monet At Open Mic Night

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Jenkins discovers the dark underworld of palindrome chatrooms.

Japa-knees

Keister Island

Funeral for a Cartoonist

Canadian wildfires

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

'It's the law of the puszta, son. Them tripping on a banana skin, that's funny. Us tripping on a banana skin, that's a conspiracy!'

'Don't you mean rubbish; we're in England!'

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

'Are you paying attention Eurasia?' 'Sorry, I was drifting.'

'Well it was his request to be burried in a flat-pack coffin.'

"Do you always have to over pack, Alice!"

The jungle grill!

"I'm hoping that once we enter the Bronze Age I'll be able to get a better likeness of you."

The leatherhosen thief strikes again!

"Hey little buddy, let's team up and save the world...Then we'll have pizza, you ever tried pepperoni pizza?"