Cultured Humorist Gifts

"Weary grow the fervently relaxed devotees of the sea."

Football Chameleon

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

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"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

The Scottish Lawn

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"When did this game get started?"

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Cover story: Plant World.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

Sheepdog

Giraffe painter.