High Culture Humorist Gifts

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

'Yes, all at once!'

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

The Scottish Lawn

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Cover story: Plant World.

"When did this game get started?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"Listen, Phil....LOVE the hi-def video conferencing, but next time can you trim your nose hairs?"

"Don't forget the spaghetti dinner at Sparolini's after the show."

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Keister Island

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

'Ever since she has found out that she is related to one of the Queen's corgis she has been unbearable.'

Green Fingers.

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

Pot Needles