High-end Humorist Gifts

'I'm all for belt-tightening, Darling. Trouble is, I can't decide which belt: Prada or Gucci?'

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"The Eggsorcist"

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

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Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Champagne at the hunt

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Budget reaction.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

"Listen, Phil....LOVE the hi-def video conferencing, but next time can you trim your nose hairs?"

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."